my own backyard

It never ceases to amaze me how long it takes to learn something from God that I’ve heard a million times. Like molasses drooling out of a jar, I tend to want to hold onto my own ideas as long as I can until I finally realize they don’t hold water.

A common theme for me the past year has been, “Where is my life going, and why can I not seem to get to THERE…where I want to be…instead of HERE?” But the more I ask myself that, the more I miss out on…well…a lot. If I’m too busy looking over the fence at my neighbor’s “greener” pastures, I will miss the small patch of wildflowers or that tiny winding creek in my own if I’m not paying attention. I’m so convinced they are not there without even looking that I don’t even bother to tear my eyes away from what I don’t have.

Have I not been reminded of God’s goodness my whole life? Do I only believe He’s good if I get what I want? A good friend said in an email this week:

We say things are good enough or “good enough for now” but somehow, some way, it’s all supposed to change.  What if it NEVER does?  What if we never write novels?  What if you never do work overseas?  What if I never have children?  I’m really bad about living “Until” something.  But not so good at living NOW.

Sometimes we have desires that feel so deep, are so real, and we are so convinced God wants us to have them that we feel we’ve done something wrong because we haven’t gotten them. But what if they never materialize? Have we ever asked ourselves that uncomfortable question? If the healing never comes, the relief never comes, that one answer you needed never comes. What then? What of your love of God then? Would you call Him a liar? Would you stray? We pray so hard for certain things, like healing or that one career or that husband or that baby, that I think sometimes we develop the thought that receiving it means God really loves us. And if we don’t receive it, well, then we’ll just keep waiting. What are we really after though? Are we waiting for God’s voice like Elijah in the cave, or are we just waiting to receive our wish list?

God promises His way is better. To be faithful regardless of the circumstances. To believe He will come through, even if it means after this life. It’s definitely hard, but according to the Bible, it’s worth your life.

Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but onwhat is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

One thought on “my own backyard

  1. I just love you. Thanks for this! I love it when you’re all honest and transparent. It’s gritty. Love you!!

    PS – That email blurb sounds AWFUL familiar….. *grin*

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