In my hours and hours of watching Grey’s Anatomy while I was trying to get well, trying to absorb the idea of doctors and medicine and healing to speed up the process, one scene jumped out at me. Not only because it made me laugh out loud, but because I really related with the character.
It’s a Christmas episode, and Izzy is obsessed with the holiday. She decorates their house way over the top and is super bubbly to everyone except Alex, who has totally shattered her heart by sleeping with Olivia, the nurse in the on-call room (ok, so not the most wholesome example, but play along with me, ok??) Her friends start to help Alex study for his boards and she is appalled they are even talking to him. Finally, Meredith tells Izzy to start actually spreading the love and joy of the Christmas season that Izzy is so annoyingly shoving in everyone’s face. So Izzy swallows her pride and offers to help Alex study. He asks her why she is helping him when he hurt her so badly. And her eyes narrow and she yells, “Because it’s what Jesus would FREAKIN’ do!!”
After I laughed out loud, I realized I feel like Izzy sometimes. Not because there’s someone in particular who has hurt me, but because I’m upset things have not gone my way. (Wow, how childish does that sound). I’m upset because I thought God was going to use me in HUGE ways (Messiah complex, much??) but instead, I have a normal, mundane office job. I am useful here, and don’t mind the work. But what about comforting widows? Holding sick orphans? CURING CANCER?!?! Haha….maybe not those exact things, but I had plans, darnit!
In the end, however, I am only called to one thing: to love. I was reading chapter 1 of 2 Peter last night, concerning our “calling” and here’s what it says:
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”
I have everything I need to participate in God’s best life for me, no matter what my occupation is. Does He have other plans after Verkler for me? I certainly hope so. But for now, I am called to be obedient to Jesus, to my boss, and to the place I am in, which means doing my best to be a wife, sister, daughter, friend while working full-time at my dad’s company. Not ONLY that, but it is the best possible thing I can do with my life. God has called me by His own glory (the excellence of His being) and His goodness….which means that calling is the epitome of beauty and meaning.
I think sometimes I take the attitude of Izzy. I go through the motions and do what I know I should do, but really my eyes are narrowed and my voice is raised at God, asking Him when He’s gonna get this plan in motion. Truth is, it already is. So I will cling to the promise that God is working in me anyways and I will love the people around me the best I can.
Because it’s what Jesus would freakin’ do.
I will leave you with words from my best friend Julie’s blog…who is in much the same place I am:
…but this is the one thought that i need to cling to: God always has my best interest at heart. He knows me. i am His little girl. as surely as my dad would do all he could to help me to succeed and be happy, God, looking after me as His child, will do infinitely more. just as kids can’t always see what’s best, neither can i. and if i can only stop and let God take control, like i say that i’m doing, he will answer my wishes and dreams in ways that will undoubtedly surpass my own feeble, faulty plans.
so maybe 25 isn’t a magical year where all my dreams come true. but maybe it will be a year where i learn, a little better, to lean on Him and to dream about what He has planned for me and holds close to His heart.