No rest for the weary

There’s no doubt about it. Being a mom is a 24/7 job. Even if you do get a break in there where Grandma watches her or Aunt Karen watches her, you are still wondering in the back of your mind…is she screaming? Is she eating ok? Did she poop a huge nasty poop and now they will never babysit her again?

And then you remember, oh wait. They cleaned MY nasty poops when I was little. I am sure they don’t mind.

Last week, I made the trek up to Carmel to have lunch with my cousin on her fall break. Going anywhere with Heidi requires a bit of planning, be it Target across the street or Carmel, which is about 40 minutes away. What I have to do is basically have the car packed and ready to go so that when I am done nursing her, we can leave immediately. This helps me maximize the time between her feedings, since she typically doesn’t let me stretch it much past every two and a half hours. And really, that time is even less because she’ll fuss if she’s tired or if she’s STARTING to get hungry. So that pretty much leaves oh…an hour. πŸ™‚

Anyways, so I’m on 465, that speedy, treacherous loop around Indianapolis. I hit 86th street as I’m heading north, and Heidi starts to cry. It quickly escalates to a scream. I’ve heard this scream countless times, and it never fails to give me hot flashes. I kid you not. My blood pressure shoots through the roof when she cries out and I sweat. I mean that child’s scream is truly blood-curdling, like someone is ripping her arms off. I tried to calm myself down. I was determined not to pull over and make this trip longer than it had to be. I was a tad nervous something was wrong, but quickly dismissed the idea. Heidi was fed, she was dry, she was buckled in and safe. There was no harm in letting her scream, besides giving mommy pitters before she even gets to lunch. Β I keep saying to myself, out loud, she is fine, we don’t have that much farther, there’s no reason to stop, deep Β breaths.

About ten minutes later, she abruptly stopped screaming. It didn’t wind down, it didn’t gradually get quieter. It just stopped. I got nervous. Was she ok? Was she strangled by her hoodie? Did she somehow die from SIDS while SHE WAS AWAKE AND SCREAMING?! I called out her name (as if she could even answer me) several times. Nothing.

At the next stoplight, I reached over and yanked back the visor on her carseat. I heard her startle, and then explode into her screaming fits again. I had woken her up.

Does this sound anything like my last post? Um yes. Do I learn from my mistakes? Um no.

*sigh* So while I had to listen to her scream the rest of the way, I honestly felt better that I knew she was ok. It’s insane what goes through my mind as a parent. I mean, I am constantly thinking, omg worse case scenario! I was a mess when she had to get her tongue tie fixed, and when I called my mom crying that afternoon to tell her how awful it was, she just said, “You are not going to survive parenthood.”

And I replied, “No. I don’t believe I will.”

10 thoughts on “No rest for the weary

    1. Thanks Martina! I saw you with your new baby last week and I didn’t get a chance to say hi! I hope all is going well. πŸ™‚

  1. In my mind, it’s not about survival, even though in the early days it certainly feels that way! You just want to make it another day, so you can get to bedtime and rest for five seconds so you can make it through another day. Ugh.

    You don’t have to survive parenthood – you are right: you won’t. πŸ™‚ … You just have to be changed by it. Which you are and will – and will be a better Jamie Hergott for it. God giving you Heidi Joy is not just about Heidi Joy. πŸ™‚

    I LOVE YOU! And that picture reminds me of a screaming picture of Joel – which I also turned into a blog at the time! HA!

    You are seriously SUCH a good mommy! Really, really!

    1. I love YOU, Laurabug! And thank you thank you thank you! I couldn’t do it without my mommy friends like you who are honest and supportive of me all the time. πŸ™‚

  2. oh jamie, you will survive. you’re already doing an amazing job and you will get even more amazing. i’ve definitely had my moments! and i know that abrupt ceasing of screaming and how every possible scenario goes through your head. i still worry when oliver does it from his crib and he’s almost 2! i heard once that choosing to be a mom is choosing to carry your heart around on your sleeve the rest of your life and it is so true! hang in there. πŸ™‚

    1. Ha, Tara, thanks for reminding me this WILL NEVER END! πŸ˜‰ lol. I have also heard that and it is so true. Thanks for sharing your experiences as a seasoned mommy. πŸ™‚

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