I realize sometimes I sound like a basketcase on this blog who worries and frets and stresses about having a baby. But just this morning, as I was out on my walk, I was reminded of how funny having a baby really is. How funny you act, how funny you look, and how funny other people are around you.

So I wanted to take this opportunity to share those little nuances with you…those little things that don’t always get said aloud.

• I have wondered several times why it’s the women who have to carry babies. Don’t get me wrong…it’s absolutely precious to feel your baby moving inside you. It’s lovely to get all the love and attention from family and friends. And just before the belly gets to be that huge third-trimeser size, you actually feel quite beautiful and glowing. But women are so concerned about their looks! We hate feeling fat! WE ARE ALREADY SUPER EMOTIONAL. Whereas men could care less. So why not EVEN the playing field and have men experience it for nine months instead of just intensifying all our worst attributes (both emotional and physical) for almost a year?  Just curious.
• The amount of comparing that goes on between pregnant women is amazing. We compare how much weight we’ve gained, how much water we’ve retained, the size and shape of our bellies, how active we’ve been able to stay throughout the pregnancy, how easy delivery/labor was, how cute our babies are, how fast we’ve lost the baby weight, how she manages to keep her toes perfectly manicured while mine are chipping and I cannot even REACH them….and on and on and on. And I KNOW it continues on through motherhood. I read in my book the other day about a dancer/gymnast who did a HANDSTAND the DAY she had her baby. I almost cried. I could never even do a cartwheel at my normal size, let alone even consider getting off my feet (unless I’m going to sit on the couch) with this big I’ve-gained-way-more-than-I-planned pregnant body. But I was actually being hard on myself because I cannot do a handstand as a nine-months pregnant person??! Um ….newsflash. That is just not normal. And apparently this gymnast wanted the doctor to let her walk on her hands back from the delivery room after she had her baby. What a show-off. *eyeroll*
•  I won’t lie. I am so ready for Heidi to be here that I actually get jealous of friends who put pics of their babies and kids up on facebook.  I get all huffy that other people have had their kids already. *sigh* Oh sure, just brag to the world that yours actually came out. Is that even a legitimite thought?? Ha. As if I didn’t have one coming at any second now.
• Heidi has always been active but she has kicked it up several gears in the past week. This surprises me, since most books (and my doctor) said that her movements would slow down since she would be running out of room. She will play in there for HOURS. And sometimes I’m convinced she is looking for any other way out but down. I mean, can you blame her? Everyone always talks about the poor mommy, who has to shove something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a pinhole (which…just for the record…it’s not the size of a pinhole at that point. It’s more like the size of  the circumfrence of a bagel…sorry for the visual). But what about the baby?? Poor Heidi is probably staring down at that pinhole, clamoring to get out another way, screaming, “MOM I CANNOT FIT THROUGH THERE.” Meanwhile, I am screaming back, “I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EITHER BUT DOC SAYS THAT’S HOW IT WORKS SO GET ON WITH IT!” I kid you not, this is really what I think about. I play out conversations with my unborn child. I’m losing my mind.
• Pregnancy also brings out an interesting side of people you encounter. Total strangers touch your belly. They try and guess your due date, and then act shocked and almost skeptical when you tell them actually it’s three months AFTER that. They kind of eyeball you, as if to say “Who exactly is your doctor??” They make sure you know how absolutely huge you are (because you don’t own a mirror and you just can’t tell you are fifty pounds heavier!), or even tell you that you are a funny shape. (I kid you not, someone told a good friend of mine she was a “weird shape.” My response to that is *slap.*)  People in general should just smile and not talk to pregnant ladies unless it’s to a) tell them they are beautiful and glowing or to b) give them your parking spot, place in line, or your candy bar.
• I hesitate to say this one only because I don’t want anyone to feel bad who has ever said this to me. It IS a fabulous compliment…don’t get me wrong. But I JUST can’t help it. When people say to me, “You don’t even look pregnant from behind!!” …all I can think about is: have I ALWAYS had a huge, preggo butt??? I mean seriously! Your hips widen during pregnancy. It’s a fact. So your rear widens. And if someone says, “I can’t even tell from behind!”…does that mean I’ve always had a wide load??  *hm*

Not that any of this is either here nor there. They are the kind of waste-of-space thoughts when you’re just sitting on your hands and waiting for your baby to come out. You’ve done all the hard work. You’ve done last-minute shopping, washed her clothes, put her room entirely together, written the thank-yous, and packed your hospital bags. The anticipation gets under your skin and makes you think about things that had never occured to you before.

And after you type them all out, you kind of feel like you should probably have more noble or endearing thoughts since you’re about to become a mom. *blush*

37.5 weeks! Don’t you want to know how I sleep comfortably at night?? Yeah. Me too.