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I’m pretty good with a gun…

Last Friday, I got to use a gun all day. And by gun, I do mean scanner. And by “use,” I do mean I zapped bar codes.

Registering for baby items is unlike anything I have ever done in my life.

A week and a half ago, I got a little taste of it while visiting my best friend Julie in Tampa.

(I have to sidetrack a bit here to say that this trip was amazing. Julie moved three years ago (today, actually) to Tampa from our little, familiar, midwest towns. I remember the week she left, the photo shoot we had with her, her husband Mike, Cait, Mitch, and little Mikayla who was less than a year old…I remember crying and wondering what in the world it would be like not to have Julie within a 45-minute drive. I remember planning on talking every other night on the phone and planning lots of visits. And while I had four days and three nights with her last week, I still felt when I left Tampa on Sunday that I wasn’t totally caught up with Julie. I don’t think you really can when you live that far apart. Our trip was spent taking long walks on the beach, grilling out, having a picnic, staying up late and talking, Starbucks every morning, church, and all the little things you do with your best friend when you’re in the same town…

 Four days can’t make up for three years, but that trip meant the world to me and I hope it happens again soon…or that Julie moves back…ha). 🙂

Anyways, one of those precious days, Julie and I were strolling around quaint little Hyde Park for a chalk festival. We stumbled upon a Pottery Barn Kids and decided to take a peek. Lo and behold, so many of their items matched the theme I’ve chosen for Heidi’s room. Julie’s eyes LIT up and she cried, “Let’s register!!” This is why I love her. I was thinking, oh Pottery Barn is too expensive…or oh Pottery Barn is excessive…or oh no one will shop there and I don’t want people to think I’m greedy. But not Julie. JULIE’S logic was…who cares? You may or may not get it but it will be fun to register! So we did…for cute mobiles and wall decals and lamps and even dresser drawer knobs! And if I couldn’t find exactly what I wanted, Julie hunted down a sales associate to make sure I got exactly what I wanted. We had a BLAST.

Fast forward to last Friday. I had planned on taking the day off work to register with Caitlyn, the third of our BFF-since-grade-school trio. We hit up Target, grabbed lunch, then sped up to Babies R Us. We had a really good time. Baby Ashlynn was with us, but she was an angel who just smiled all day, excited to spend the day with mommy and her friend. We got Taco Bell (and heartburn) for lunch in between, and enjoyed the beautiful sunny day.

However, as the day went on, ending in the countless aisles of Babies R Us, I began to feel overwhelmed. How could I possibly need so much stuff for one little baby? Bottles, spoons, car seat, stroller, crib, sheets, mattress, mattress pad, diaper pail, bouncy seat, pack ‘n play, play pad, breast pump, blankets, towels, bathtub, shampoo/soap/lotion/oil, toys, movies, books, thermometers, nail clippers, baby butt paste, nipple cream, boob pads (I mean, I am sorry, but THIS IS REAL LIFE PEOPLE)…I kept scanning and scanning and scanning, following Caitlyn like a lost puppy, listening to her repeat, “Oh you’ll need this. And definitely this. And I’d DIE without this….” Sometimes I didn’t even know what I was scanning; I just followed her lead.

At one point, I even asked Caitlyn in all honesty: “Cait, where in the world do you PUT all this stuff?? It’s so much!” And her answer was: “Honey, your house will be overrun. That’s just how it is.”

We were tired but laughing as she dropped me off. But as soon as I got into my quiet house, I stood there looking in Heidi’s room… and started to cry. Cody was out of town so I called him, trying to hide my sniffles. But he caught on. He was at dinner, but stepped away for a second and asked what was wrong.

And it all came tumbling out. I told him for the first time I felt scared to have a baby. I felt overwhelmed by all the money and all the crap we apparently needed to keep this baby happy and breathing. I felt crazy at the thought of remembering how and where and when to use ALL that stuff I just registered for. How do I even turn half of it on?! Do I need batteries? What if Heidi hates most of it?  I felt…in a word…panicky.

He was sweet, reassured me everything would be ok, and said we’d talk about it when he came back into town. The next morning, I was talking to another best friend about it (who had a sweet, perfect little boy about seven weeks ago), and her words to me brought me more tears (Ok, leave me alone. Everything makes me cry, ok??):

And no matter what is ready or not ready when Heidi makes her appearance… the fact remains that what she really needs is you and Cody. And she has that. Everything else will come together…

I loved it because it’s so true. *deepbreath* If I don’t get the right bouncy seat, enough baby butt paste (which…I honestly couldn’t tell you exactly why I need butt paste, though I assume it’s for…baby butts. My deductive reasoning skills are crazy cool, yes??), or all the right bells and whistles and gadgets to take care of Heidi, she will still be ok. Because she has her mommy and her daddy and our love. If she needs snuggled, we’ll snuggle her. If she needs fed, we’ll feed her. If she wants bounced or rocked or left alone, we’ll do just that.  Sometimes I forget God DID make us to care for one another…even more so for our own precious babies. With or without a registry list. This is natural. We were made to do this. We’ll be fine.  Heidi will be fine.

And when I think about that, the sky clears and all I can think is…I cannot wait to meet her.

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8 thoughts on “I’m pretty good with a gun…

  1. Jamie- you are gonna be the perfect mom for Heidi… because that is how God made you 🙂 Don’t worry about the little things ( and if you ever need anything in the middle of the day or night, call me cause chances are I’ve got it!)

    1. Thanks Andrea! *deepbreath* And you have no idea what it does for my heart to know YOU are close by, my mom is close by, Cait is close by…so many experienced moms so I don’t have to freak out! 🙂

  2. tears on my mac…not so good….

    i SO treasure the time you spent here with us! thanks so much for making time! and i LOVED registering for all of those impractical things. what can i say? cait is the friend with the experience; i’m the clueless friend who just likes bright, pretty things. 🙂

    you will be a wonderful mom for heidi! and when you need a break, i will be the aunt waiting to steal a little time with her. 🙂

    love you!

    1. Aw no crying Jules. And everyone needs that clueless friend who likes bright, pretty, sparkly things!! *hugs* You made that day so fun for me, and it means so much. And I am SO EXCITED for Heidi to meet Aunt Jules. I know she will LOVE you.

  3. Jamie,

    Everyone has already said everything, but I will tell you this. We use the butt paste, but a little goes a long way-which is good because it is expensive!

    And the best thing anybody ever told me was that years ago people would make cradles out of dresser drawers and their babies turned out fine.

    love.

    1. Thanks Carter! I appreciate your advice. And I always try to keep in mind that throughout MUCH of history, people did not have even HALF of what we have now to raise babies. 🙂

      xoxo.

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