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Slow Mo

I’ve discovered that a favorite question for pregnant women is: How are you feeling??

Which is a great question to ask! It really is because it shows that you care, that you want to know what’s going on with the pregnancy, and that if she needs anything, you’ll run and get it.

The only problem is, this is probably the one time in life where the answer to that question literally changes by the second.

Answers you might hear possibly range from, “Oh good, just a little more tired than usual” to “Just a bit sick but I’ll be out of the first trimester soon!” or even “a little under the weather but we are so excited about our new baby!!” *confetti*

I guarantee this is really what that pregnant girl is probably really wanting to say:

Actually I feel ……more likea beached whale… like an eternal muffintop…like I’ll never feel normal again…like I could cry so much it would put the Mississippi River to shame…like I honestly have no clue how I feel right now…omg I miss wine…oh fine I’m just worried I killed my baby by having two espresso shots this morning…like I’m carrying this baby everywhere but where I’m supposed to..like just gimme a d*mn cookie…ugh pass me that wastebasket, I’m going to toss my cookies…

And on and on. Scary, huh?

It feels a bit like chaos I can’t control. Most of it doesn’t make sense, and I can’t fit the pieces together. Some days Iwake up feeling on top of the world, higher than I ever have, because I’m having a baby!!! Other days I wake up feeling emotional and restless and the touch of a feather can send me to the bathroom sobbing. Some days I look in the mirror and feel great; other days, I look in the mirror and want to crawl back into bed and call in sick. It’s unpredictable and frustrating. Not to mention life seems to move in slow motion. Only slower.

I keep track of what week I’m on, but I’m so antsy to get to the next week that I start saying I’m week 12 on Thursday of week 11 and then by the weekend I’m totally disappointed that I’m STILL ON WEEK 12 when it feels like I should already be at 13. (By now you are probably thinking…her poor child…haha).

The beautiful thing is it’s normal. *whew* It’s all normal. The second I glance at that ultrasound picture…with that sweet little lima bean that has an oversized head and balled up little hands…it all makes perfect sense. Life is being created. And if LIFE…which involves so much chaos and craziness and goodness and tragedy and celebration and grief and hope …is being shaped in a tiny place tucked inside of me, it’s no surprise there are some fireworks involved.

So I will gladly leave my top button undone, cry when I need to, and I might even just tell you how I really feel next time you ask.

 

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8 thoughts on “Slow Mo

  1. Jamie,

    I just wanted you to know that it took me until I knew Campbell was girl and saw the ultrasound at 18 weeks before I started feeling better. I, too, thought I killed her lots and lots and lots of times. But a wonderful and comforting husband helped lots in those situations.

    I’m super excited for you! Yay!

    peace.

    1. Carter, thank you so much for sharing that!!! I love talking to other new moms because then I don’t feel so bad for not feeling super connected to my baby, for having coffee when apparently I’m not supposed to (not more than a cup a day, anyways), etc. 🙂 I even was jogging really slow at the beginning when I went running because I didn’t want to “scramble” the baby. Good thing they’re so resilient, haha.

  2. Love this. I wish I had been able to write about my early pregnancy feelings this perfectly! You’re right on and yes, it is normal! :o)

    This cracked me up, especially: “…oh fine I’m just worried I killed my baby by having two espresso shots this morning….” Bwhahahaha! I cannot tell you how many times I did (and do) things and think, “Oh, crap, now I’ve done it!”

    LOVE YOU!!!!

    1. Aw, thanks Laurabug!!! 🙂 Most of this wouldn’t be nearly as funny if I didn’t have you to tell me it was all totally normal. You’re my lifesaver!

      Love you too!!

  3. You should let loose when someone asks how you’re feeling. Venting can help! Those who can’t take it just won’t ask again. 😉

    We’ll have to get together soon so I can buy you that cookie. (The kind that stays down!)

    1. HAHA. This is so true, good advice! 🙂

      And you may buy me a cookie whenever you choose (we are due to get together again soon for sure…last time was too much fun)….and I haven’t been feeling sick at ALL. So I’ll probably eat more than one… *blush*

  4. Hi Jamie!! I just love your blog and reflections on pregnancy – you capture everything so perfectly! I also constantly played the “what week am I” game and was constantly trying to sneak forward to the next week so I would be one week closer to meeting my little one! And I would go online and look up what week I was on and what things were developing that particular week and would intently study the pictures of the little miracle forming, always amazed that all of this was going on and I couldn’t feel anything (well except the nausea, dizziness, etc…) (by the way, GINGER works wonders for the nausea – I bought some ginger pieces at Trader Joes and would gnaw on some 15 min before getting out of bed, REALLY HELPED!!) The funniest thing about pregnancy for me was after I had her, there are still things I really miss (and people call me crazy, but I can’t wait to get pregnant again HEHE) Like in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters, when I could feel her moving around in me, there’s just no other feeling in the world like that! I would just lie on the couch for what seemed like hours with my hands on my stomach, feeling her wiggle around. And in the shower I would sing to her and happily pat my BIG TUMMY as I sang. And as I got on the bus, elevator, or walked down the street, people would just smile and always ask the usual 3 questions (when are you due, what is it, what’s the name). I MISS that now! I don’t get the same smiles anymore (I almost feel like wearing a sign “I have a 12 week old at home!!!”) and don’t get to have those random conversations with complete strangers anymore. There’s something about being pregnant that just makes you radiant – and as they always say “glowing”!! (well, at least after the 1st trimester is over!!) So enjoy every second your precious little one is inside of you – there’s no other feeling like it!! And the months will seem to slooooooooooooowly go by and then suddenly…. after all of that waiting…. your little miracle will POP OUT and nothing will ever be the same! =) I miss hanging out with you Jamie – we’ll have to have playdates when I’m in Indy (that’s where you are, right??) I’m so excited for you!!!
    —Becky & Samantha

    1. Becky– Girl, you are so cool!!! My friend Anna told me the VERY SAME THING you did. She said that people would just SMILE at her all the time and be so sweet and loving and she just misses it so much, haha. That is so sweet about all your little moments with Samantha before she was even born….totally precious! I am definitely feeling 100% better than I was a few weeks ago…pretty much like normal…and I’m starting to notice a little belly. Which makes it even more REAL!! Cody and I were looking at our “food chart” and saw the baby is big as a plumb this week, and as big as a PEACH next week!! That is so big! I can hardly wait for when I get to meet him/her. I was just writing in my journal last night that it’s so crazy to think in a few years, I’ll know my kid so well I’ll wonder what life was even like before they existed. 🙂 I MISS YOU TOO!!!! I would LOVE to have a playdate. I adore the photos of your beautiful daughter. Yup, I’m in Indy, so definitely get a hold of me if you are around. I’m due August 23rd. 🙂 Love, Jamie & Peanut

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