those stupid sticks

I really expected to get to this post sooner. But once my day ends, I’ve eaten dinner, and taken a hot shower, I can’t hold my eyes open to save my life. So blogging is the absolute last thing on my list.

As the pregnancy progresses, I am told I won’t remember what it felt like to be pregnant once the baby is born. And one thing I don’t want to forget is the morning we found out, because it definitely did not go how I pictured.

Here’s what I thought would happen:

I would get up, take the test, see the pink plus sign, start jumping around while screaming/laughing/crying, jump on the bed and wake Cody up, who would then proceed to start jumping around while screaming/laughing/crying, and we would spend the day staring at my tummy, totally in awe that a human being was being put together right. in. there.

Sounds beautiful, yes? Well, here’s what really happened:

I woke up with a sharp pain under my right rib cage. Every time I moved, it felt like a knife, and I became concerned about it. I went into the bathroom and saw the pregnancy test sitting on the counter. Since Cody and I have been trying for a year, I was kind of “over” taking the test and seeing the negative sign, so I took the test quickly and threw it next to the sink. I proceeded to do some stretches in front of the mirror to see if the pain I was having just a pulled muscle or something I should call the doctor about. After a couple minutes, I glanced at the test and saw the pink plus.

A pink plus. The only way I can describe it is all the color drained from my face, my knees literally went weak, I had a hot flash, and my heart started TO POUND. It came VERY close to the feeling you get once you are on a HUGE roller coaster and you’re all strapped in and you start going up the biggest hill you’ve ever seen and you start getting so so so scared and the fear makes you want to turn around and tell them, No I’m serious please get me off I can’t do this I’ll die IAMNOTKIDDING but you realize it’s too late and  there’s nothing you can do and the roller coaster operator is laughing his head off at you and you’re just going to have to survive this roller coaster even though deep down you know you’ll love it and it will be such a rush but right in that moment you can’t breathe because you’re so scared.

That’s kinda what it felt like. There’s no other way to describe it but with a run-on sentence.

At this point, Cody was actually walking out the door since he plays basketball before work. So I ran half-dressed all the way across the house, shouting, “Cody! Cody!!  Come here, come here, come here!” And I was breathless because my heart was pounding so hard. And Cody got freaked out because I sounded so scared, so he rushed back into the house, I grabbed his arm, and drug him into the bathroom. I stood him in front of the test, pointed, hid behind him, put my head in my hands and tried not to barf.

I hid. From a stick. Who DOES that?? 

Cody got a smile on his face (at which point I relaxed a little…JUST a little).

Then he said, “Well, I think you need to call the doctor. I don’t trust those d*mn sticks.”

So sweet, so memorable, just what I pictured. *eyeroll*

I waited til 8am to call the doc since that’s when they open. And my conversation with the nurse was something else unexpected. Here’s kind of how it went:

Nurse: IU Women’s Health Center, may I help you?
Me: I’m pregnant! *glee*
Nurse: Silence.
Me: *clearsthroat* I need to schedule my first checkup.
Nurse: When was the first day of your last period?
Me: (I told her but that is none of your business.)
Nurse: OK, we won’t need to see you until mid-January. (This call took place on December 16th).
Me: That’s a month from now. (Translation in my head: Don’t you want me to come in RIGHT NOW?! Don’t you need to make sure I’ll be a decent parent? Don’t you have an owner’s manual for me? Don’t you need to take my blood, do tests, make me sign something that says I won’t smoke, drink, snort crack, or sky dive while I’m pregnant???)
Nurse: Yup. See you then.
Me: Wait, don’t I need a blood test to make sure I’m pregnant??
Nurse: HAHA. (Pretty much that’s what it sounded like)…The tests you buy at the store are the ones we use here at the doctor’s office. I’m pretty sure you are pregnant.

The day passed in a blur. I ended up going to the doctor for the pain in my side (before I wouldn’t have thought much about it but now that I was pregnant, I was all afraid my baby got tangled in my intestines or maybe she got lost up by gall bladder…). It turned out to be nothing, just a pulled muscle *blush*, but she predicted my due date for me: August 15th.

At which point I will step off this roller coaster and onto a much bigger/scarier/amazing one entirely. 🙂 Can’t wait.

8 thoughts on “those stupid sticks

  1. First off, this made me laugh and cry. Just for the record.

    And I LOVE this post! Especially this:

    “No I’m serious please get me off I can’t do this I’ll die IAMNOTKIDDING but you realize it’s too late and there’s nothing you can do and the roller coaster operator is laughing his head off at you…”

    That is JUST how I felt! I took the test, said, “Oh my, God.” three times and started bawling. I sat on my bed and cried and prayed and said, “I can’t do this! I can’t be pregnant!” Haha.

    LOVE YOU! 😉

  2. JAMIE…i love this. i love everything you EVER write. here’s me wishing you the best everyday of your pregnancy. Cody’s comment makes me laugh.

  3. I love this. Love this. You are brilliant- and funny! I’m so happy for you guys! I don’t ride rollercoasters, by the way, because of exactly that feeling you described. But I do have two kids, so I guess I ride the coasters you can’t really see all of before you get on board…

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