It’s been awhile since I wrote about something other than my marathon training. And let’s face it. Running can be boring. Not everyone needs to know that running 18 miles hurts my butt, thus, they can now donate to Active Water. (But…if you still do want to donate…CLICK HERE!!).
What I really want to talk about is motherhood. I had a bad mommy moment yesterday. I think we all know what those are. The moments when you smack your forehead with your hand and mumble in her head, “FAIL.” An example would be the time I forgot to strap Heidi into her umbrella stroller at the airport. Upon walking across the parking lot, she promptly threw herself forward and out of the stroller, landing FACE FIRST ON THE ASPHALT. I nearly died from guilt and embarrassment. I begged her forgiveness for days, even though she only cried for 30 seconds and didn’t even get a bruise.
Since I didn’t know I was about to have a bad mommy moment yesterday, I was really feeling like it was just one of “those” days. By that I mean it was a day during which I promised myself I will NEVER intentionally have another child ever again. EVER. From about 10am on, Heidi and I were at each other’s throats.
I am usually pretty spoiled by my daughter. She eats well, sleeps well, plays well, and is on a schedule like clockwork. I typically become so accustomed to this that whenever we have an off day, I get frustrated. (And that, my friends, is what you call a “spoiled brat.”)
So yesterday afternoon was very long. She had been very fussy during our morning outing, didn’t eat much for lunch, and was cranky that afternoon, refusing to nap. We were both tired and angry by 2pm. She finally fell asleep around 3pm for a little cat nap. I took that time to make dinner, and when she woke up, I noticed she was very warm. She usually gets very hot when she sleeps, so I waited a bit to take her temperature. Sure enough, about an hour later, her temperature was 101.
Needless to say, I felt like a big pile of stinking garbage. Here I was, getting upset with her all day, angry she ruined my plans, cranky because she wouldn’t nap, frustrated because she wasn’t happy, when all the while my poor girl was sick. BAD MOMMY MOMENT. I was so selfish and caught up in myself that I didn’t even take a moment to step back and assess that maybe my almost-always-happy-and-rested daughter simply wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t even notice she felt warmer than usual.
As soon as I realized she had a fever, I gave her some tylenol, wrapped her up in a blanket, got her a cup of milk and some goldfish, and watched Sesame Street with her on the couch. She leaned back on my chest, finally relaxed and probably thinking, “Finally, she gets it.” The rest of the evening, she was very quiet and snuggly, her fussiness having disappeared. I think she knew I finally got the picture.
I guess I always thought patience came natural to a mommy. I thought once I was a mom, I would naturally put my kid first ALWAYS, and I would be attentive and loving and caring at all times. But I’m still human. It’s too bad Heidi has to bare the brunt of my mistakes sometimes, but it’s a good thing she is such a resilient and forgiving kid. (See, that’s my way of teaching her FORGIVENESS…that was my original plan all along). 😉
I’m learning patience is actually something I need to practice. A lot.
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,
gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12