A couple weeks ago, on a sunny Saturday morning, I decided to try my hand at making some homemade baby food. My mom bought me a Babea Babycook for my birthday in September, and since Heidi is nearly ready to start on foods, I thought I would stock up on some peas, carrots, and sweet potatos. It took me a minute to figure out the gadget, but once I did, I was delighted with how easy it was. So if anyone out there is considering making their own baby food, I’m here to say it’s easier and cheaper and healthier. All you really need is a food processor.

Anyways, as I whirled around the kitchen, sipping my three-times-refilled coffee cup and tapping my feet to the music from my laptop, Heidi sat in her high chair. She squealed and talked to the animals on her placemat, smacking each one and then grasping her face with her hands, as if in surprise. She’d raise her hands, lean to the side, and repeat everything again. It amazes me how she can entertain herself without a single toy.

My iTunes playlist landed on a Black Eyed Peas song. This, of course, requires dancing. I’ve noticed that when I sing and dance for Heidi, she smiles. Every time. So as I waited for the peas (my veggies, not the band) to steam, I put on a little show for her, belting out, “Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night” and twirling and grabbing her hands so she could dance with me. She got a complete kick out of it and even began to sing herself.

Right then, I felt prickly goosebumps: de ja vu. I actually paused to search my brain. When had I done this before?

It came to me. I was eight months pregnant. And it was near the end of July. It was a Saturday morning also, sunny (albeit a smidge warmer…).  I was making cupcakes for Cody’s birthday pool party the next day. I distinctly remember drinking coffee, playing music on my laptop, and feeling so blessed and happy. I only had four weeks left to see and meet my daugther for the first time, and I was overwhelmed with excitement. I couldn’t believe it. I’d actually get to hold her, touch her face, kiss her.  I was almost laughing because I was so giddy. I was quite literally dancing around the kitchen. I only had four weeks to go until Heidi was due, and it was all I could think about.

I have come full-circle. Dancing and singing in anticipation of her, and then dancing and singing WITH her. When I realized that, and I looked down at that goofy grin on her face, I couldn’t believe she was really here, looking at me and giggling and banging her toys around. It’s worth all the sleepless nights, all the frustrated tears, all the I-really-don’t-think-I-can-do-this moments, all the pain, all the extra baby weight, and the complete and utter destruction of what I used to call my life.

Because she is my life now.  🙂 .