Finding out you are pregnant is one thing. But finding out if you are having a little boy or little girl is something that’s hard to describe.
Cody and I had our big ultrasound last week. It went pretty good, though Cody thought it could have gone better. Peanut’s head was tucked down to its chest, turned away from us, and wedged way down in my pelvis. Even the ultrasound tech kept commenting that she couldn’t believe peanut’s head was so low and wasn’t sure if she could even get head measurements. She measured all the other parts…legs, kidneys, little beating heart, stomach, etc….and went to search for Peanut’s face again. The tech poked, pushed, prodded, and pressed down on my tummy (which was actually a little painful) but we still couldn’t get Peanut to turn around. So the tech did her best to get head measurements and said we might have to come back to get pictures of the face. (At which point I am thinking…why? Could there be something wrong with the face?? DOES IT EVEN HAVE A FACE?!?! *faints*)
When the tech found Peanut’s legs, they were tightly crossed. I immedately thought, go figure. With as many people who have been telling me I might not find out the sex, this would so happen to me! But after some movement, there it was finally, and she told us: “You’re having a baby girl!”
I felt tears well up in my eyes. I looked at Cody, who just got a big smile on his face. A little girl. A sweet little precious girl! I can’t say if I was surprised or not because I truly had no idea…didn’t even have a guess…as to what we were having. But Cody was not surprised at all. He said he knew weeks ago it was a girl, and even admitted he would have been a bit sad if it wasn’t. Her name is Heidi…a name we’ve had picked out for two years. I love it, and it seems to fit.
Two things have touched me deeply, the first one being at how incredibly happy I am we are having a girl. I have been on cloud nine. As much as I wanted my kids to have an older brother, a girl right now seems absolutely perfect. Being able to say “she” and “her” and “our daughter” is about as exciting, if not more exciting, than when I was able to use the words “fiance” and “husband.” It’s even more special to me since it took us a year to concieve. So many people already love her, and we haven’t even met her yet. And the number of girlfriends who want to be her aunt?? Let’s just say this kid will have so many aunts shopping for her, she won’t have room in her closet for everything. Plus, she’ll be the cutest dressed girl on the block. Both grandmas are thrilled beyond belief, and of course big sister (Aunt Jenn) is completely stoked. I feel incredibly humbled at how happy everyone around us is, and how genuinely excited they are to meet her and be a part of her life. It almost brings me to tears because I love her so much already, and I want her to be surrounded by love as she grows.
The second thing that has touched me is Cody’s reaction to the news. He is comfortably and smugly happy we are having a daughter. Not once has he said he would have liked a boy…not once has he complained he’ll be outnumbered…not once has he protested to all the girly things we have already received. He asks about her all the time (“what’s the baby girl doing?”). I cannot wait to see Cody with his little girl.
This weekend we were in Ft. Wayne for a wedding of a very good friend. During the reception, Cody and I took a break and walked around a little bit. He said he had something to show me. He walked me down a few hallways and we came to stop at a window, outside which was a huge blooming magnolia tree. It was beautiful, and I remember just yesterday telling a friend how much I loved these trees. Cody pointed at the tree and said, “That makes me think of Heidi.”
It was so sweet, and the tree was so beautiful that I felt we were getting some kind of glimpse of our daughter. Sure, she will be a handful. She will keep me awake many nights, she will cause me grief, she will make mistakes, and she will push me to my limits. She will stretch Cody and I both beyond what we ever thought possible, and she will teach us so much. But those struggles are necessary to grow. The storms and and the rain and the breaking and wilting petals and the blooming of new ones is what life is about.
I will try to keep that in mind at 3am when I am changing her diaper for the 500th time that day, right after she spews all over me so its dribbling down my shirt. I will keep it in mind when she’s a stubborn two-year old (and if she’s as stubborn as Cody, SO HELP ME). I will keep it in mind when she begins talking back to me at six years old, and when she rebels at 12. I will keep it in mind when she’s 16 and it’s no longer cool to hang out with mom, and she hates me because of the curfew we’ve set or the dating rules we’ve set. I will keep it mind during whatever life has in store for our family. Because God uses it all to create something, and if it’s as beautiful as a magnolia tree, I’ll be happy.