It’s interesting the differences between where we see our life going and where it actually goes. Slippery little sucker, isn’t it?
My pride hates to admit that I’m beginning to like my job. (In fact, I even just deleted that line several times…I’ve been so committed to hating it that I don’t want to admit I’ve given in). But it’s true. Now, that’s not to say I may not still be stay-at-home mom or I won’t still consider open doors that come along. But in my whole entire life, an office job Mon-Fri 8-5 was the one thing I DIDN’T want. I didn’t know what I DID want, but it sure wasn’t that. In fact, even more, I didn’t want to be in business…didn’t want to sell anything.
And…that is kind of what I do. Doing marketing and business development for a firm that sells construction services, it’s kind of the point of my job. But what’s fun is I have found that just being myself really works best.
I’ve met some very influential, incredibly smart, and especially fun people in this industry that I actually would miss should I ever leave my job. I have learned to ‘network.’ I’m learning that the connections I am making could be amazingly valuable in the future. I’m learning a little bit about human nature, honestly. I’m learning a bit about what my dad’s world has been like these past 30 years while I was at home or school spending his money. (Not gonna lie).
The biggest thing though that has touched me lately is God’s ability to still be real to me in this job that I had seen as so drab and gray and void of new life. I have had to really face my bad attitude, the way I treat others, and how I have identified myself with so many things besides God.
While maybe going to Africa or doing missions or even working in a church may have made me happier (and really, who knows? It could have destroyed my faith), I doubt I would have pursued God as much as I would have pursued racking up my Christian points so my bases were covered.
As anti-climactic as it might seem to live near by folks, marry my high school sweetheart, and live in cookie-cutter suburbs, God is still a God of this city, as the song says. Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done here. And I know this because every Thursday night, I gather with a little ragtag group of friends who are completely joyful, broken, and loving. Their witness to me and the light they bring into our lives is humbling. There is so much hope in our prayers, so much love in our conversations. It sheds new light on my day to day life at the office and gives new perspective to what might be around the corner.
So as much as I have loved planning my life over the past few years, I think I’m going to try and be done with that. Because what do I know?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
13Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4